You made deadlines and handled crises, but your brain is holding a staff meeting about every ‘what if’ possible, and apparently attendance is mandatory.
When life looks fine from the outside, anxiety can feel confusing. You may wonder whether you’re making too much of it.
Child, I’m here to tell you that getting things done and feeling okay while you do them are two different things.
Being capable does not cancel out anxiety
The very habits that help you look put together are the ones costing you the most. You prepare for every possible outcome. From the outside, that can look like competence. On the inside, it can feel like your brain has appointed itself head of the office of emergency management.
None of that means your success is fake. It means the outside view does not show the whole picture.
Anxiety also does not need a dramatic explanation to count. Work pressure, uncertainty, relationships, old experiences, become a pileup of ordinary demands. That pile up, or “allostatic load” becomes its own stressor with its own gravitational pull.
And it’s pulling you down.
You do not have to prove that your life is hard enough to deserve help.
When “handling it” becomes another full-time job
Did you:
- Check your work one more time to quiet the what ifs?
- Rehearse a conversation so thoroughly you’re exhausted before it happens?
- Say yes because disappointing someone feels worse than overextending yourself?
And did you do those things knowing it is also bullshit?
Those moves can bring relief for a moment. They can also leave you with less room for rest, connection, or the things you actually care about.
You be keeping everything afloat while quietly wondering how long you can keep paddling.
That is a useful question to bring to therapy. We can get curious about what anxiety is asking you to do and whether those moves are working for the life you want now.
Zero gold stars for suffering silently.
What can help when your mind will not shut up?
My primary approach is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). In ACT, we practice noticing thoughts and feelings without handing them the keys to the car. We look at what matters to you and take workable steps in that direction, even when your mind has a very persuasive presentation about why you should stay put.
That does not mean pretending anxiety feels good or forcing yourself to relax. It does mean building a different relationship with the noise in your head, so it has less say over your choices.
Here is a small place to start: the next time you notice yourself checking, rehearsing, or trying to control every outcome, pause and ask, “What feeling am I trying to get away from? What is one small thing I would choose here if that feeling could come along for the ride?” You do not have to answer perfectly. Just notice what comes up.
You do not have to fall apart first
If you’re functioning on the outside and struggling on the inside, you belong in the conversation about support. You can learn more about anxiety therapy or see who I work best with.
I’m Shane Hennesey, MEd, LPC-S, and I work online with adults in Texas. If you’d like to talk about what’s going on and whether we’re a good fit, book a consultation.